Hootings and Ramblings of a Deranged Dead Blogger

Thanks mostly to my own foolishness and sloth, this blog has the buoyancy of a lead brick and the influence of a field shrew. I had hopes for it. I thought it could get me ahead, or help me hone my craft. Instead I alienated myself further, and whatever dozens of readers I might've had have dissipated into the dark aether of the internet. My foolishness, and also my stubbornness. Due to my own stubbornness I view modern culture with basically unbridled contempt, and instead of trying in any way to improve things, I wallow in this dead end era of hype, spin, and mindless arrogance. I despise the way of life I spinelessly inhabit.

There's a funny anecdote from the 19th century, beginning around 1860, wherein Great Lakes fisheries completely destroyed a species of sturgeon. First it was considered a useless bycatch, and was stacked to rot on the shore and fed to pigs and generally misused... then its worth was discovered, which put it in the nearly fatal sights of the greedy optimists who believed there could be no end to natural riches. That fish still survives at some infinitesimal fraction of its pre-19th century population. What's this got to do with anything? Well the fisheries industry learned very little from the destruction of the Great Lakes.

In the ensuing hundred and fifty years many other species of fish have been devastated, the ocean's been filled with garbage, radiation, and the refuse from dipshits on cruise ships. The oceans, allegedly the birthplace of life, have been treated like a merry-go-round of possibility and nobody wants to take responsibility or change how things are done. Now, I don't ever believe that life will just give up because conditions are bad. The oceans won't entirely die anytime soon, but our ability to sustain ourselves with their bounty is diminished by all the bone-headed nonsense unrealistically optimistic businesses perpetrated.

What's that got to do with anything? It's why I'm a pessimist. Why I'm shitty, of a bad temperament unless I've drank enough to escape the downward pull of reality. What happened in the Great Lakes happened in a slightly different sense with every market crash and recession, every extinction prompted by humanity, and and and... so what, right? Things need to be the way they are so they can remain the way they are, so that people big and small, rich and poor, stay calm and comfortable and their entitlements to misery or luxury remain constant. We need to listen to the optimists as we climb out of each increasingly unbelievable crisis, and ignore the realists who warned us all along.

Even thinking about it bothers me because it's all such hackish reasoning. It's been done a million times, the truths are self evident and the truisms are deafening but it doesn't lead to real progress in any meaningful sense, which is either a factor of the naturally tardiness of progress and evolution or the sign that something is deeply wrong with the world and its most powerful and influential humans. Are the people at the top evil? Are they simply ignorant? Are the powerful inflated with such a facile self-worth and arrogance that they cannot be touched by the truth, by self-doubt, by any of the checks and restraints nature set on the human mind? Are they doing the right thing, trying and failing, and it's just 'leftists' who paint them with a broad brush of villainy? What is it? Why is it so hard to find a clear perspective? Is there none or does nobody care enough to attempt it?

Old sociology texts have only made me more cynical about success but as a result I'm a nobody, with no long-term goals, no particularly fun vices, and modest unglamorous hobbies like attempting to learn as much as possible, reading, and traveling, mostly on my own power, to nearby places - in short living in a cage of my own design within the larger cage of socioeconomic convention. Lately it's not been enough, but what I eschewed still seems hateful to me, but I have fewer and fewer certainties. Whatever is righteous and humble opens me to criticism (some legitimate, some merely hateful of divergence) and misery, and the sense that I am doing less harm than others doesn't matter, when others won't ever give a shit or sacrifice anything... I am giving myself a kind of slow martyrdom that lots of people live because they can't escape it, but which I chose out of perverse instinct.

Well whatever. Nobody knows anything. The people who get paid millions to hold the title of CEO are protected by the majority opinion that they have a 'necessary skill-set' and 'important contacts' and while that may be true in some cases, it is most often the product of a privileged upbringing and those 'important contacts' liking them. There may have been sexual favors and silence on sensitive secrets traded for power. There may, for all we know, be a few dozen secret societies that encourage the conspiracy set with half-truths in order to make the very idea of conspiracy (which in its least-fantastical and most realistic sense has been true for thousands of years) laughable to the mainstream. If the search for truth becomes a joke it will frighten away the serious-minded because their reputations may suffer (and have, in the flawed examples of yesteryear) But even so: what of it? If they're that successful and we're still alive, with coffee and a newspaper of a Sunday morning, who gives a fuck?

Why the hell does anyone care about celebrity culture? It's corrosive and stupid and the worst kinds of people are made rich by it and it's just a shameful, stupid spectacle that could be replaced or eclipsed by more edifying things that aren't advertised as heavily and let people be themselves. From what are Ellen and her feel-good safety show distracting you? Why is the internet three-quarter owned by celebrities? Why do even people who 'hate that shit' know where Kanye's yacht is parked, give a shit about the Kardashians? It's not celebrities, but rather their passionate followers, who should be flogged and shamed. Celebrities should be ignored, and have some of their riches taken away and donated to charity or used to defray government debt (debt is the new money, since money is just based on imaginary value now)... although the governments are celebrities and don't deserve the money either. I don't hate the entertainment industry... we need distraction so we don't think about killing ourselves or how little any of this means or how foolish our young aspirations were or how fucked the world might be. Maybe we should get rid of the middleman and let the entertainment industry run countries, and the world.

Why aren't soft drinks heavily taxed on the basis of their unhealthiness (it's only fair if tobacco and alcohol are rightly taxed based on their unhealthiness, which is not two orders of magnitude worse than drinking some carbonated sugar water each day)? Why do people get so upset at commonsense agreements that may make life easier for everyone?  Why do we all get off on the idea of hating someone (it is acceptable with targets like criminals, terrorists, people in other countries, and the insensitive)? Why are so many people around the globe so proud of being so ignorant? Why all this conflict? Lots of it was started by Western governments, who 'rule' an anesthetized populace with increasingly nauseating and wasteful habits and thoughts. Convenience and venality have destroyed humanity. If a system this disastrous and uncontrollable could collapse, I would say we are living in the closing years of it, but I don't even know what to think anymore. Avarice looks after itself, but where does it all end?

I wish more people could be happier with less, and with the idea that their not taking something ensured it would get to someone else who needed it. Decades of surplus production and planned obsolescence have made consumerism a nightmare of waste and distraction and its precepts have invaded everything from politics to faith to the 'third world' (outdated term, I know)... but I'm not about to launch a crusade even though I think it's miserable and destroying the best and most promising parts of being human and jeopardizes the whole world. I don't care... I exist within that system anyway and would have to take drastic steps to actually leave it, much less oppose it, which would then further invalidate my position due to 'extremism' and 'ecomania' and other bullshit critiques the comfortable heap on the anxious. If I find a way to stop colluding, I will be branded a traitor. There is no place in the law for people who see an urgent need for progress, who see the Western Lifestyle as a blight that needs to be changed now, painfully, not in 'a generation' while our prospects diminish.

I guess I'm saved by the need to laugh and to seek out the absurd before I even think of countenancing the more prosaic horrors implicit in the contemporary world. Even so, it's not enough... I feel powerless, completely powerless, to stop any of this madness and I always have. I feel so disinherited that I no longer consider myself real or a part of anything... I'm just a detached actor with no lines or stage presence, no beliefs be they foolish, hopeful, angry, or anything. I live in a void and everything that convinces me otherwise is constantly in danger of being swallowed by the deepening void of nonsense that has given rise to our slick, dishonest, empty culture. Those 'backwards' parts of the world don't fear the West – they pity it. 

[Don't worry, I will return to low-risk stuff next week like reviewing products, interviews, and less dire observation tempered by humor. Or I'll be gone, in which case, crawler bots, it's been fun. You won't need to index this site much longer.]

Solve Ten Highly Important Problems by Tweeting!

You know, I always appreciate the effort when a corporation tries to solve a problem by involving its customers or other individuals. It's not like that company is already making pretty good money off of their customers, and it's not like executives could easily put $20,000+ each to a good-deeds project (not with most of their $140,000+ salaries in mortgages, leases, and other sundry investments). Shit: why not appeal to the conscience of the guy making barely $30,000/year and take the charitable donations out of him, and others like him? I mean, there's more of him than there are executives, right? It's economies of scale, not entitlement or greed, and nothing more... I've already talked about the pure wretchedness of asking people for charity money in a check-out line, but I'd like to rephrase some of my ideas about modern charity in general:

1. No Money? No Deal.

If I wanted to give money to a charity I would walk around a city until a charity salesperson cornered me and asked me if I had 'a couple minutes' to stand around and learn why what they do is important and worthy of my money. I'd listen, they'd pitch me a donation/month level, then they'd get angry while I tried to extricate myself from paying them money, trying to offer my time or effort (which nobody accepts because, evidently, I'm a useless piece of shit best employed as a wallet for special interests) in lieu of the money I need to live the barest simulacrum of an adult life. They wouldn't even treasure the fact that I stopped to give a sympathetic ear to their cause. To crown the experience, if I stayed strong and refused to pledge $5-50 a month (because I'm underemployed and all) they would get angry at me, the guy who promised only to hear them out patiently, uncomfortable on a downtown street. All because I don't want to pledge $25 a month when I don't really have $300 a year to pay to the Duck Saviors or the Eco-watch or the Gay Angel division of Premature Heroes dot com.

That's all completely painful bullshit. Seeing a young idealist go from thinking I'm an easy mark and a way to fill the day's quota to thinking I'm just a heartless waste of time hurts me, especially when they're so earnest and clearly involved, and I really don't have the money to spare, but the whole gambit is up. I don't want to sign up to pay a certain amount of money a month and be locked into that, when I could be back to being unemployed in a month's time. Compare their attitude when I'm walking away to their positive sales pitch and smile at the start. Yikes, all about a charity. That to me is one of the ugliest scenes imaginable, it's hard for me to say no to people my age who have to stand in the street and sling these good causes, but years of grinding near-poverty have made my heart very hard about charity. I only toss a bum a dime (or a dollar) on a few special occasions a year. I give monthly to the Red Cross already, because one time I just couldn't shake the charity salesperson, no matter how evasively I talked of good deeds and dollar-to-aid ratios. More than that I will not give until society gives me five figures wrapped up in a cushy salaried position.

User Comment Rodeo: Multiple Choice City

The UCR Mk.II picked up a hugely lucrative article about a social studies professor who forced her entire second year sociology class into taking a geography pop quiz. Just a purely innocent decision which had no loaded stakes, made by a disinterested, scientific-minded professor with no agenda up her sleeve – forced on a classroom of modern students. Said class failed dismally at accurately labeling countries, provinces, capitols, and even broad geographical regions. The UCR Mk.II almost crashed analyzing the over 200 comments. The irony sensor burned out too many times, and I had to deactivate it lest I ran out of spares.

It seemed to me (and still seems to me) a monstrous project, but I will gladly take it on. There is nothing more entertaining than watching idiots go at their bogeys, and watching the poor moderates waste their time. What's really important, in the end, is that everyone tends to just have fun. So kick back, get a stiff drink, forget how old or young you are, and indulge in some senseless ageism. And remember: more than 200 hundred comments resulted from poor test scores about an unrelated subject in what is a small sample of post-secondary students. This is, in more ways than one, an example of why the west is withering and how the internet is making it worse (or making it appear worse). Don't get offended, let's go on a rodeo:

The comments flew in fast and heavy. Reading them almost caved-in my sense of hope. It was brutal. I missed some doozies, no doubt, but there is never time to think when it comes to a User Comment Rodeo. There is only action. There is only the lassoing of choice screengrabs, and hoping they turn out to be priceless. I warn ye who would read this: this is going to be lengthy and uncomfortable, and the levels of ageism, ignorance, and bigotry unveiled herein will drive you into hysteria. If you had any faith, in the young or old, turn back now. The world needs your optimism more than ever. As for me: I don't care, I'm not even paid to do this. Maybe I'll get a shot or two in.

You know what's kind of depressing? You don't? I – Ah, fuck it. I prefer cuss-words anyway, since they make a solid point, frighten puritans and squares, and require almost no intelligence to be used effectively. The internet can still educate. It can also mislead, trivialize, infantilize, and stupefy. Reader, mark well the words of these and following User Comments. Note the vast problems they bring up, and their generally piss-poor sentence construction. Ah, the familiar smells of lazy rhetoric and half-baked idiocy. Is this crisis in education new? Is this a beautiful moment in our collective existence? Will the bleating objections of the masses lead to a new era of mental rigor?

These were the 'upvotes' in reddit-speak (RIP Swartz, I never knew ye, but you deserved better). These were the king comments. These were choice, juicy, apropos, and insightful beyond all the rest. Observe the beautiful spectre of ageism rising from the rabble. One can hardly blame students who are prejudged en masse as morons, merely for existing in a troubled and complex era and for their casual use of advanced electronic devices. It seems as if everyone has given up on them. Everyone except for the oilsands, that is – and when one is scientifically illiterate, one eats up greenwashing with both hands, and feels great about it. The modern explosion of ideologues is due to lack of mental rigor, but if education was so impeccable in the 50's, 60's, and 70's then why are so many middle-aged people so insufferable in their harmful, hateful, and ignorant opinions – why are they so vulnerable to fast-food politics, misinformation, and ideology? Look what they threw away to live comfortably. It's cute, because the coming generations get to live in not only mental, but also economical, physical, and environmental squalor. No wonder they don't give a fuck.

Internet Recommendation Cartels

Some things exist that speak out in favor of the internet. Farlex's Free Dictionary is one of these things. On the surface of it it is of course just a standard web 2.0 site. But there are a lot of online dictionaries: plenty, in fact, so where do you go. What is the standard model for inoffensiveness? Web 2.0 is of course something like a swarm of informational bees and a robust, drunk legislational bureaucracy.

In the future we shall unironically type such things as http://WW.EMAIL-2.com/sys/sisyphus/suchafuss4628334611098249224. Which W will disappear? That's the part I don't know yet, to be truthful. It's probably impossible to know, but anyone will have a 33% chance of being right, I suppose.

In the end that's what's important. Statisticians have the dubious honor of inventing and integrating their pseudoscience into the world, a position which they violently defend even in the face of statistically unsound statistical-professions such as meteorologist or phenomenologist. Web 2.0 is like a statistician and a state-adjacent private bureaucrat/hypocrite.

That was a little out of hand. The Free Dictionary is a swell thing though. I've never seen it fail me yet. The front page has all kinds of little widget-style subsections, but the only one I ever use the Word Match Up, pictured below:

 

Obviously there's a lot of other stuff going on that I cropped out because, fuck, let's ignore as much of Web 2.0 whenever possible - the distractions, the personalizations, the ever-looming identity policy or threat of fraud or some other defeat.Word Match Up on Farlexionary is one of the few things I try to make a point of doing each day. It's an idle minute well spent, in my opinion – one of the few, right? Mark Twain is definitely and automatically allowed a space on my blog, at the very least.

The game can be tough. I have lost much of my prestige to obscure or polyvalent words, but most of the time I can't be bothered to truly follow all the rules, and I think most have this feeling. Words work best when they're poured out in a drunken torrent or muttered incoherently or whatever.

Match Up, yeah. I think it's just well designed is all, and it is part of a decent resource. Plus, the -

Well I technically, or at least academically failed the test. But to be fair: look at that shit. There are awesome words that are underused critically, are not obtuse, and do not sound like 'adumbrate'. Vituperate I feel bad about, because I've seen vituperative people and the entire culture of vituper sickens me when I am confronted with it. That shit is my kryptonite.

The Free Dictionary is better than Facebook, Twitter, and your favorite news site combined.