Christmastime and Other Stories

No I am not releasing a volume of existential/seasonal short fiction. That danger has passed. Though it does seem to me that every year Christmastime starts earlier, or maybe that's just my imagination or relative youth. I don't have too many years to really extrapolate anything from, but my hypothesis is that, since the 50's, Christmastime has begun to begin earlier. What this means for the planet is anybody's guess.

I don't really think that heavy visualization and especially musical cues are necessary until mid-December. If I was to de-Grinch a bit, I would say December 10. I really think we should leave Halloween decorations up longer and just take a little time out of this Christmas thing, that's going on. Somebody has to reign in these Christmas Lobbyists. They're taking over.

I think sometimes that all the early emphasis burns me out when the December upswing begins. This is probably a yearly thing now that is unconscious, subliminal like seasonal affective disorder - but more mysterious. Infinitely better looking on an application. "Doctor, we're dealing with record amounts of Christmastimeosis. We don't have the spearmint antibiotics to deal with this!" ; "You fool! Just give them disability and get them out of here, we don't need a damn epidemic!"

The bottom line is that anyone who was not heeding the cues about Christmas creep got their late shopping vote-banned by the supporters of... well I'll not even mention him. Still, I mean if a five-year old misses their X-Box with Kinect, somebody has to be held responsible. Julian Assange is who should be called on Dec. 26th for forcing internet power users to go to a brick-and-mortar store. Give him time, though. No doubt this will be added to the growing list of offenses which, I am told, includes geomancy.

I guess they'll add several Days of Christmas in the next 50 years. Maybe it'll be good for us and not just a cynical economic tweak. Maybe aliens will steal Christmas (I already have the script, Michael Bay, and you'll have to get in line for it) and hide it on the moon. They'll get our extra days but we will have just enough time to assemble a rag-tag task force of curmudgeonly misfits. You know who will emerge victorious, with extra Days of Christmas into the bargain.