I've been thinking, now that it's December and I don't know if I'll even attempt to travel for the season, that I might as well think back on the year that has almost passed, and bring up some of my favorite moments, or outstanding creations, people, or anything you can stick a noun to that have actually impressed me, and not just the talking heads who make trends and kings.
Most of the time when I read things on the internet I think, "Shit, even I could do better than this." and it really makes me a bit sorrowful to know that someone got paid to write something so flat and unconvincing. Granted, a lot of the time I look back on things I've written and think similar things, except that I know nobody else will write about them. When I read good things on the internet I take note, because I'm A) trying desperately not to be ignorant, and B) not afraid of becoming an hack. Grammar before assonance, folks.
For years now there has been one internet comedy writer who has not changed his approach, his perspective, his looks, or his medium – and we should all give him a television series so that he breaks down and turns into an unfunny hack. This man is responsible for more than 33 percent of the internet's funny quotient. YouTube is afraid of him, toys inexplicably melt and explode when he approaches, and whenever he posts on cracked.com hundreds of people tell him that he is right, his lines are infinitely quotable, and "Good Work!". He will be the first president of America to disarm opponents with snappy one liners and irrefutable logic instead of multilateral embargoes and cooperation.
As far as internet comedy writer metaphors go, most writers are a bunch of kindergarteners, and Seanbaby gets held back in K every year, because the administration doesn't know what do with him, and he keeps making better jokes to kill the time, because nobody around him even understands how to be consistently funny or what consistent even means. If you compare how long he has been funny (since the days of Old Man Murray, which is something knowable only to actual nerds) to how long he has been writing on the internet, you realize that he is the veteran of internet comedy writing, and either his approach was always good or he buried all of his failed attempts in the 90's as if they were Atari cartridges in the 80's.
For a long time ('04-'10) I didn't even know that Cracked.com existed, but a friend recently told me that Seanbaby was writing there, and I took a few hours off to read everything they had. I laughed, on average, twice an article. And I don't mean half-assed laughing: no chuckling, but the stuff you feel in your abdomen. Since then I've been reading Cracked.com mostly for Seanbaby's articles, and you can do the comparison yourself. I mean no disrespect but almost everyone who is trying to be outright funny on the internet looks like a shoddy '80's joke told by a teenager compared to Seanbaby.
Description fails me, but I encourage you to look up one of the only funny people on the internet. I try to be amusing, but I understand that I am as dry as sawdust, and dumb, and don't use interesting photos or graphical elements. I don't do those things out of respect to Seanbaby, because I'd have to follow his lead and risk his displeasure.
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