What on Earth is Bethesda Softworks Up To?

Fresh off a hit streaming show on Amazon Prime Video (paid with ads much???) based on the venerable Fallout series, you'd think Bethesda Softworks was about to hit a their stride in an absolutely titanic way, but instead they seem to be foundering aroundering and chilling and vibing.

It's insane they didn't have a game (or at least trailer) in the chamber for when the show dropped. Oh, they had a patch for Fallout 4? Inexcusable. Plus it broke all previous modding attempts? Par for the course. Fallout 76 integration at least? Oh, no? Ok. It's like they don't want to do any of the things to capitalize on a hugely lucrative opportunity that most companies could only dream of, and they have almost unlimited resources too. 

They could've sold a million copies of Fallout 5, or a spinoff set in the show, and it would have been successful even if they half assed it, and instead they sunk a decade into a janky boring space game and released a small next-gen patch. 

Shows take a while to plan, produce, and release, at least enough time to produce (and asking for too much: fine tune) the first chapter in an episodic reboot of the Fallout series based wherever they'd like. They can use the old engine even. It wouldn't take a huge amount of resources and would build up goodwill and excitement again. An independent team of modders has created and nearly finished a FO4 total conversion set in London (there's one slated for Miami as well), meanwhile, and what exactly is the copyright holder doing? Releasing one patch with a couple of new assets and some 'next gen' stuff that's opaque and questionable at best.

This guy gulps.

Maybe they're waiting till next week to announce they've actually been doing something but it boggles my mind how they're operating. Stodgy, clumsy, and way too big to do anything quickly. I guess once there's been 18 meetings about the show's success they'll greenlight some kind of exploratory committee to discuss the possibility of a spinoff game? And we'll get it a few years after the show is done? 

At some point even the dullest dullard on Earth is going to realize that Bethesda have been resting on their laurels. But to lack business sense, to let things slide as they have done, really does puzzle this humble blogger. Bethesda are lucky people still consume their pabulum so eagerly, but that could change if they don't do what any sane company would do and capitalize on their opportunities. Many of us regular people would be slapped and insulted if we had a golden goose and just let it walk away.

Is this the endpoint of capitalism? Success so pure it turns you into a burned out failure who prints money anyway? That's quite the indictment of hustle culture when the world's strivers labour in obscurity on passion projects and the biggest brands and companies just ooze around pointlessly like vast amoeboids, consuming everything in their path and taking up all the air.

A Word or a Few Hundred of Thanks

I have no idea what it's like to be the number one comedic internet writer in America. I'm sure it involves a lot of tedious days being angry at the hacks who are better known than you, and then feeling justified anyway, because better known hacks are not internet celebrities of the same caliber as you.

Seanbaby recently wrote his 101st article at Cracked.com and it is a greatest-hits collection that must be read to be believed. 80% of those articles are among the funniest available on the searchable internet. Anybody who thinks that he is played out and dull needs to read my blog more, or simply purchase a sense of humor. Now this article isn't some lazy clip show where Seanbaby talks about what he's done and smiles gently at the memories. It's a rather biting, funny clip show where he talks about reactions to the things he's done and how he managed to conjure them out of weeks of apathy and modern loving.

This article reminded me of a few classic laughs and of why I consider myself an admirer of Seanbaby's technique. He trumps the Maddoxes and Tucker Maxes of yesteryear because his bitterness is simply played down in favor of things that are funny. He plays bitterness properly, and not always transparently. This is why he is a humorist and not a 'personality' - although he seems to have personality to spare. Plus he is not so egotistic, less of an exhibitionist and finally as a truly creative writer/humorist he does not ring the same old jokes in a different order. Well he rings the same old jokes, but they ring true. That's the best part.

In something like 10 years Seanbaby has recycled more useful novel jokes than most people invent in a lifetime. And his one-liners are as sharp as ever. And he's even truthful about a lot of things, which is alright, because I am damn sick of empty, exhibitionist narcissism on the internet. If you're going to write on the internet, you should try a little content that doesn't revolve around self-worship. See Seanbaby for solid examples. The ego is often as ugly as the stupidity it worships.

Anyways I just wanted to add my congratulations without resorting to a fawning post over at Cracked.com's comment sections. As an impartial observer of the internet I can only applaud his efforts to make the world a little less miserable and stupid. As an aspiring humourist/writer I get a sense of hope that the art isn't dying. It's always dying, of course, but at least it goes on living all the same.

Sometimes it's humbling to see somebody in the prime of their career, but when they deserve it, you gotta just hand it to them. Even Seanbaby's dumb retrospective article is considerably more amusing than anything I've read on the internet all week. In fact it isn't even dumb. It's smart, comprehensive, well-written, and will make lots of people laugh. In this shit era, that warrants congratulations.

Oh and is it just me or does Eukanuba Nosferatu sound like a done deal? Dog shows and vampiric mass murder are woefully under-examined in film.