Redaction!

Look the word up if you're puzzled, I've no time to spare because it's Mother's Day. I'd like to post up some quick last minute gift ideas but I have to redact some of my claims in the previous post. You see, the Cursed Treasure Level Pack is actually easier than the original game. I've gotten as close to 100%ing the game as I feel is necessary, and though it can be a bit tricky, it is rather quite a breeze of a game if you just want to finish all the action-packed levels. I don't know why they didn't just release a map editor so fans of the game could release their own map packs. That would tide us over until they either improve the game in a sequel or ruin it entirely in a sequel.

Now Mother's Day is a tough gifting occasion. Almost everything people tell you to buy your mother she does not want (unless she is frivolous, but then again she did birth you), will find useless, or will pretend to like to spare your massively fragile, self-involved ego.

Flowers? This is spring-time. Flowers grow anywhere, so the only way to make a legitimate gift of flowers is to pick them wild over a large amount of territory. I don't mean strip all the flowers down and show up with a smelly, insect-infested bushel of decorative weeds: I mean one of each kind of flower. If you buy flowers on this day I don't want to talk to you and I don't want to hear your mother's sorrowful tale about her kid that drives a BMW but can't even express gratitude or reverence or honour. What's this day about, again?

Chocolate? You're the worst kind of person. All I'll say is it better be so pure your mom gets a buzz off it.

Cars? Overstatement. Also: husbands, this is not a day to worship your wives, dumb fucks. This is the day you are technically allowed to  become a bachelor son again, since your wife becomes 50% mother to her children and 50% child of her mother. Understand that? You buy a wife a car; you buy your mother something worth a goddamn and not so showy. There's a recession on!

Books? This is tricky, because your mother might come from a time or culture where illiteracy was not shameful or hidden. That best-seller might open a can of worms you can't deal with – or it'll bring your family together in a surprising way. When in doubt, DH Lawrence is the official patron saint of Mother's Day, and if you're a real jack ass and buying a poetry book, you better make sure the poetess you blindly purchase is up to snuff. Because your mother will either spare your feelings or laugh at you, but she will never read more than two or three verses.

I'd recommend drugs, but nobody wants to trip with their parents. I'd recommend booze, but come on. I'd recommend watching Psycho with your mother but that's a bit overdone (still recommend it actually). Comedy DVDs are probably a safe bet. Tobacco is not. You can't repay a life debt easily, but if you have a good idea I'd say go with it. The best gifts on a day like this are related to keeping the day simple, happy, and uncomplicated by consumerist posturing, unintentional feminist grandstanding, or family blow-outs. Have fun!