Terrible Mustache Month

But it's all for a good cause so everyone's happy and cheerful about it. Especially anybody with an epic mustache.

Still it's kind of odd and all. If someone were to suggest a month where a woman, say, stops shaving her legs or armpits I'm sure there would be zealous adherents and frothing opponents. In short there would be some type of stir, instead of some type of placidly accepted status quo and some good-natured chuckling. And I'm not just Politics of Identity 101 with a spastic keyboard or anything, so in lieu of a truly similar month for women (I'm thinking February because Valentine's should be for the true lovers ONLY) I have this funny idea and I write it out cautiously on the blog. Should there not be an equitable analogue? Does it even matter?

Movember is just kind of unremarkable. If you forget to grow your mustache there will be mounting tension toward the end of the month as the involved stare you down. If nobody you know engages in this sort of behavior there is a chance of escape, but those around you will otherwise consider you a cancer supporter if you shave your top lip. Maybe they'll be joking, but the thought will have existed all the same. I think a man should grow a mustache whenever he damned well wants or when there's no more razors or shaving expertise around. Yet who can contradict the almighty important cause?

Oh but wait, the best part of all of this is yet to come: growing hair is a constant, unconscious, passive thing. What better way to fund-raise, and show support for a cause, and do something profound than to let alone a natural process for a couple of weeks? When some men grow out their facial hair they are looked at funny, and if they have unfortunate trimming habits they will be judged accordingly, sometimes negatively. Some men can only grow sparse facial hair, and do not want  patchy, isolated follicles and the pseudo-juvenile appearance that goes along with that.

Finally, explicit focus on the mustache makes a dilemma for the habitually bearded. What does he do? He wears a mustache as a matter of habit but when it is not isolated from a beard it is less of a statement, because a 'stache simply makes more sense as part of a bearded face.

I don't know. I think it's an odd business for a good cause, part of the passive-man reorganization of society that has been underway for the better part of two thousand years. I have no alternatives so I am not critical of it, but I look at it strangely – as I look at the unfortunate mustache on my own face. And I am tempted to get rid of it, but then I just know that the end of November AKA 'Movember' (A statutory holiday for hipsters and activists) will turn into a hazardous farce if I dare shave at this point. Occam's Razor, even, could not solve this type of problem