The Big Sigh: A Tired Take on Imgur

Imgur is an internet-famous image hosting service that grew into notoriety by giving reddit users a place to easily host, link, and post stuff. Somehow it became its own community, and, as you might expect from an image hosting service-turned-social hangout, it's a bizarre community filled with great examples of why I (and others like me) hate the internet. It's mildly disgusting, full of self-congratulation, exhibitionism, 'I'm a doctor and..." types of self experts, achievement sharers, content reposters, bottom-of-the-barrel memes, and all the stuff you wish would stop making you depressed and uncertain (or is that just me?) about the future of humanity.

I first used Imgur in 2011 because older image hosting services had expired, or I'd forgotten passwords, or were not as Web 2.0 easy to use and therefore afforded me very little in the way of quality service. Naturally I used it for a month, uploaded a total of eight images, and then forgot my password and didn't bother to use it for a long time. In that time I once again failed to be an internet poweruser and didn't get famous or really succeed at anything... but that's beside the point.

I'm not sure what the deal was in 2011 but I recently logged back in [Note: you don't have to log in to see pictures] and checked Imgur out because I'd heard somewhere that it was a hive of idiocy, reposted content, and was almost at the point where it would give Facebook or user comment sections a run for their money. Naturally, following the cringe-wave of modern internet trends, and hating myself, and out of damned curiosity, I dared to tread where so many retreaders tread water... I went in. I looked around... and I cringed like I had rarely cringed before. Oh I also saw a couple of cool things, so all in all I'd recommend the site. It's like reddit without (most of) the text. Interesting, for an image sharing website, it has a 'trophy' system and messaging services. If you love feature bloat, cyber inbreeding, and shaking your head in stunned belief – you're in luck, gentle reader!

What follows is an incomplete selection of self-unawares, overshares, and things that made me sigh and feel like I belonged to a dead-end species helping itself into a steep decline that will be interrupted when the machines which facilitated our decay finally achieve sentience... turning the world into a preschool/retirement community for a species that peaked sometime between fire and thumb twiddling about A.I. Enjoy the spectacle!

This gif is great. I don't know where it comes from. Probably some millenial kind of movie or show or youtube sensation. I've seen it a million times, but never seen it used to alert the internet to future sex. Good work and godspeed, young internet user and potential-sex-getter.

I believe I took a screenshot of this as a 'slice of life' of Imgur, if you will. Perhaps as a future project I will make an average aggregate slice which will always contain one kind of stupid meme, one kind of twitter repost, one cute animal thing, and a couple of bizarre 'who gives a shit?' images. That said, I might just enter the fray for those sweet, sweet Internet Points. You see, Imgur allows the same sort of content voting that reddit is famous for. Like child, like parent...

Here I took another slice for posterity... This one's worth a detailed look. A compiled and curated list of these would be amazingly depressing. More depressing than someone using a meme to alert the internet about an averted suicidal reasoning or cute gift ideas (hint: always fill in coupon with some kind of nonstandard sex act). That's two suicide posts in one slice... if this was a game of Imgur Bingo (copyright, me, 2015) this would probably win me an used iPod nano.

Hey girl, maybe focus on the wedding... this is ridiculous. You're almost a parody of the media's 'Millenial'. Maybe it's all just a joke, I hope so. Are the rest of the images worthwhile? You, as ever, decide. I didn't like it so much.

What the Rich Know that You Don't

You have to be rich to 'get' rich, if you know what I'm saying, and if you don't, you're probably a poor person. Here's some tips and ideas to get you started on becoming rich, because there is definitely enough for everyone on earth to be super annoyingly wastefully wealthy, and anyone telling you otherwise is a communist or loser.

How they're different from you: They're different, in qualitative ways, from people who are not wealthy, such as the middle class. Why is this? Read the linked article and get back. I can wait... So the point is obviously that the rich are simply a different breed, not plagued by the fear and uncertainty and the mentally-sapping contretemps of poverty.

You see, the world is actually quite fair if you're rich, so you can afford to make big gambles, wake up every day feeling confident, and do things that would make lesser mortals quiver with poverty-related fear and incompetence. It's not a function of exceptionalism written by a wanker kiss-ass, the article is trying to help you understand that you're poor because you're not as good.

They're different, end of story. The naysayers are a bunch of anxious and impecunious babies who like having their hands held by oversized governments and loudmouth hippies. Some day, hopefully, private security armies will give them what-for, and they'll realize they have to work and strive to be wealthy, and not spend their money frivolously.

Join the Culture: Do your time, immerse yourself in the culture, and be prepared to fight for your profits. Before long you'll be salivating at the announcement of layoffs and mergers, certain that the money being gouged out of the wealth of your country (nationalism is an outdated concept that only the middle class poor believe in) will end up in your bank account, ready to be moved offshore as soon as Big Brother turns his back. Information is your best ally, and you want the RIGHT information.

The mentality of fear is one that belongs to the underclasses, anyway. When you've got a yacht more than 60 feet long and a helicopter, do you really think some schmuck in a Corolla is going to be able to touch you? Not unless you get your town car snared in midtown traffic, and unless a big account is at stake, you shouldn't be there to begin with.

Do Your Research: You gotta help yourself first. You gotta understand certain things that poor people just don't seem to get, even after multiple applications of crippling poverty, minimal prospects, and curative destitution. Imagining that the cards are stacked against you is a fearful response not worthy of those worthy of riches. Seriously, if people just stopped being lazy and afraid, everyone could be wealthy. It's astoundingly simple and there are lots of books about it that were not written by snake-oil salesmen.

But, hey, you'll probably just sit there on the couch feeling sorry for yourself and imagining there's a certain way the world's run where decent living conditions are magically withheld from %80+ of all of humanity. Okay there, you red marxist fuck, why don't you go post on Tumblr about the %1 being a bunch of pathological parasites. See where that gets you, while the smart get going on a fantastic journey to wealth, power, and respect.

The Verge of Uncanny Valley

Facebook but with a dislike button. Twitter but you get to throw tweets into a virtual shredder and retweet the results. Youtube but comments cannot be prohibited and confer privileges based on amount of likes or coherent length. More review systems and as much user based content as possible, and also there must be media sensationalism. Soundcloud but with a built in editor and sampler, and a healthy amount of effects. Reddit but with upvote XP systems. RPG social media events, with PR interlacing and exciting, meaningful marketing opportunities. Viral IRL games arrays, spanning years and maybe even decades. Pure madness. The distance from one to another is growing, and getting in the middle is the biggest business of all; get in on the ground floor of the first business to dictate human thought, which will be bought by Google for billions. Log in and meet the new gods. There's an app for that. Material world a quaint place peopled by the offline troglodytes, infants, and the non-digital elderly.

Deeper into the collective subconsciousness all the while assured of individuality and rugged independence. Too good to give it up and too obviously fucked up to care. Living in the shadows of an ever-twitching and surreal world. Spastic shadows and half-formed exclamations. People who can't take jokes and people who can't stop making them, both uniting to ruin the moment. Uneasy words from agitated people. More data every second than can be processed in a human lifetime. Everything is under control, believe us. There is a number too big to fit into the known universe, and we are chasing it for no other reason than to crowd ourselves out. We are edging towards an eternal dream state, towards a hyped self destruction, into the darkness of the final delusions.

Pretentious shit from idiots, too, and pretty much absolutely as far as the eye can see or ear can hear. Why won't the voices stop, right? They don't appear to even consider your objections for a moment before saying some other thing, or a thing related to it logically. Or is it the appearance of logic, worn as a cloak over a disingenuous appeal to base instinct? Then, to add injury to insult, other voices begin to chatter nonstop about the things the first order voices said. A chorus grows in the uncanny valley of the present, a maelstrom of misinformation and ignorance grows and risks everything and stupefies the remainder. Dangerous ideas curl in the air like toxic smoke. Plumes of oil, plastic, radiation and particulates in the air will sustain the next apex lifeform... our Frankenstein will sail among the stars and tell exaggerated tales about its creators.

Whispers of Doom: Opinionated Media, The Age of Indifference, and The Death of Thought

There is nothing original about how opinionated news coverage is. It's tempting to say 'how opinionated the media has become' but it's an old story. Even in the best cases there's a subtle angle or two going on in a story; at worst: well you don't have to look far or read deeply. It used to be that only advertisements and special interest messages or full page buy-ins blended message and content into a delicious slurpee of fact and fantasy. Nowadays there is editorializing run amok. A story can't rest, a tragedy can't be digested, before it is processed into agenda and counter-agenda.

As if there were not enough conflict in the world, and as if easy conclusions were not bountiful [and cheap] enough already, there is the great fight in mass media. No wonder the narrative of the contemporary is blurry: it is being constantly retouched by a cabal as neurotic and sinister and widespread as 40's Stalinist revisionists. They are your friends and your enemies, and they have your neighbor's ear if not yours. You will hear what they say, one way or another, and it may occur to you that it can't matter anymore what you think.

Naturally there is still room to read between the lines. For the claustrophobic, it is not recommended to try: the story there is generally not encouraging either. Everything surrounding it is manic, fallacious, and consistently problematic. User Comment Rodeos are a good joke but really, what an exercise in futility – in the name of some laughs, hopefully. There has to be an 'at least', and that is that we can watch the corrosion of debate and solidification of mistruth, and at least laugh about it.

I am late to that party, but even I can tell it contains some excellent observations by noteworthy members. Stephen Colbert, for one: host of the Daily Show for the 21st century. Generally the news isn't jokeworthy, and turning it into something laughable takes direct confrontation of its most negative features. Held only in context, it's kind of macabre to laugh when 'people are dead/dying'... but if you follow that rabbit hole all the way down you will lose your mind. What matters about Colbert, for instance, is that his stance is based on perspective as well as overwhelming satire. Still, I admit I am no expert, so it could be something else with his show.

What does a politics/satire late night show have to do with news media, worldwide? Only very little: an example of the brighter side. Mostly the news media that exists is corporate in nature and consumerist in action. Generally, Western media is overwhelmingly capitalistic as well, but even to bring that up anecdotally is grounds for suspicion and/or derision, which only makes it truer. When the Rana Plaza Building collapsed in Bangladesh it didn't take long for the apologists and exceptionalists to hurl their agendas into the fray. 'It's a recession, so you know what? The solution is a growing global market, stupid hippies, and that requires affordable labor.' or 'Before you pontificate about these 500 dead garment workers, just remember that many were working women – an economic and feminist victory for that country.' or 'If you think you should feel guilty about that 29 dollar t-shirt made by a worker paid pennies an hour think about these even poorer places where subsistence farmers aren't even exploited by billion-dollar multi-national corporations!'

These are the kinds of things that develop from an overly opinionated media. The story itself was buried in the rubble of a society scrambling to indemnify itself against all charges of complicity. The careful thoughtfulness which can only come from an understanding of things is ever eclipsed by the need to feel strongly about things, to feel superior to or protected from problems, and [for 'a lucky few'] to exploit strong feelings for profit or power. This is nothing new, and is probably a fundamental limit on any possibility of a human solution to the problem. What plagued us as suspicious tribes slaughtering each other in the Neolithic will plague us with nuclear weapons, drone strikes, surveillance, social unrest, and terrorism in the present.

Yeah, I'm getting all of this from a handful of unqualified public user internet commentary, some TV shows, and the odd newspaper. I sometimes cover user comment posts - it seems like a frightening low, come to think of it. Still, all of these things say something about contemporary society. Even the agendas, approached critically, sometimes reveal a little about their motivations. Still, it is not the done thing to wonder about the world. All minds bog down with immediate concerns: on that account there is either no blame to spread or too much to imagine. However, it is and has always been important to open one's eyes now and again, to accept the surprise of being wrong, and there are [in the media alone] too many entrenched positions for that to be true.

As a lowly member of the public, I feel from the media world little other than indifferent contempt – with few exceptions. I don't understand how everyone doesn't feel that way. Companies/governments/media outlets talk down to me all day, in advertisements and productions in every form of media, their lackeys on the street, the social mores they've normalized, the behaviors they encourage, police, cause, and propagate. If I think differently than I ought to, things will seem grimmer than they have to, and maybe that's unhealthy. 'Being happy is being healthy, so even in inclement times, you should focus on you, and be happy!'

Of course, feeling uncomfortable about this situation is absurd, abnormal, or paranoid. The cues are everywhere and they tell me to continue to consume the media, maintain or improve my standing in society, and that things are getting better every day. 'The future is coming, along with the following exciting products and services...'

There will always be 'incidents' and your betters and heroes in politics, business, and the media will cover those. You will know what to think the minute you hear any story, without hesitation or reflection. You might have overblown fights with complete strangers about something trifling you disagree on, but you'll never question why. The irrelevance of opinion [and opinions' sources] is the only thing in doubt. There might be opinions published in and around the news that are unacceptable because they are one-sided and/or myopic, but at least they're only kinda presented as truth, in the sense that they are argued convincingly but never based on facts.

Oh well. Agree to disagree. The headlines will confirm what you were thinking anyway. Whatever you do: don't search for cures - your old friends are waiting for you.

Slurring Verses

One early morning I was looking up advice about noise pollution. From insulation, all the way to polite confrontation, went the advice I found. I found a page that I should've bookmarked which talked about gift baskets. Elsewhere I was advised to defuse the situation with some baked breads – which is disturbing if you have a perverse mind and even if you accept the words literally. Try solving anything beyond hunger with a home baked bread.

Baskets of gifts are pretty ostentatious, insulation is expense, and confrontation is the Achilles' heel of the misanthrope. I always think I'll figure out some devious cure to problems I may just be exaggerating. At least, that's what I think I do, but the truth is probably a bit more convoluted. In any case, I went wrong by seeking advice on the internet, and that's really the extent of the issue.

I am definitely not against the internet, but I can't imagine all the things it might've been if it wasn't immediately harnessed by nonsense. Things the inter-ignorant don't know much about, such as trolls, are actually becoming more common. Drastically more common, as a quick look at any forum or comment section (itself the curse of our stunningly obsessive and pathological habits) will prove.

But 'troll' has been a metaphor always, and not a bad one at that. I guess at one point a person could point at a nonsensically aggravating individual and say,

"Fuck off, you churl!"

 I write that academically, of course. I guess what I'm looking for, accurately, is advice for living with the daily trolls of the universe. I need a solution that works for any troll situation.

At the same time I have myself been guilty of being a troll in the past, and part of me looks at troll-problems as a function of karma - perhaps the ultimate expression of foot in one's mouth. If that's the case I need to be able to accurately measure karma, or else I'll never know when I should become its agent. Agent of Karma (good movie title +/- concept).

And noise pollution is itself kind of an interesting concept. Even good enough that someone could make a movie about it, but I suppose it is still rather misunderstood. It really exists, though, and you have to believe this. The best example is careless placement of wind chimes; maybe purposeful muffler alteration.

Wind chimes are not offensive in theory, but in practice, or windy areas, can get ridiculous. This is because they do not rest, and instead go on chiming at all hours. And chimes generate sharp noise, so the sound can travel a fair distance. Furthermore, if someone stands at a fair distance, and wishes to hear the night's elemental silence-music, they are forced to include the ostentatious music of chimes chiming in the breeze.

Muffler alteration for the sake of, say, noise, is probably the ultimate type of pollution. I'd say it borders on noise crime. I even know of a direct example of the power of even a small combustion engine.

Anyhow, trolls see noise-pollution as favorable because it allows them to broadcast themselves and trouble others. It's like interpersonal agitprop, or perhaps sonic graffiti, because it is deliberately noticeable and serves no noticeable purpose. I see it as a form of offensive excess, often used indiscriminately – why else the echo-mufflers of the world, the deafening car audio, F-1 racing?

It's always some more of that old noise pollution. Thunder isn't noise pollution because it is part of an inescapable process.  Television and radio are (or can be, if you're conservative), because few people speak judiciously. Marching in sufficient force is kind of a noise pollution. And I almost forgot about noise cannons and sonic weaponry, which is paralleled only by microwave weaponry in terms of odiousness.

That's all just energy pollution but with a target. And, ultimately, aren't bullets pollution as well? Couldn't we as a planet come to some sort of awakened conversation about pollution? We are submerged in pollution, and the green team has monopolized it in the name of ecological commonsense, but other very real types of pollution exist.

Perhaps, reader, and I am sorry to bring this up, but perhaps you are ignorant and you laugh. You think to yourself, "That untypical gentleman is throwing words together about things that he either invented or read about in an anonymous internet article written by, no doubt, a bunch of kooks and quacks." Maybe you don't even know or care about the multitude of disasters that have always existed, even that special class of disaster which is anthropogenic. If you do not care, you may be a troll.

Pollution, depending on how one defines it, is always the source of grief and stress in organisms.  Therefore it can be communicated as a bad thing, a negative. So when one repays pollution with more pollution, one has two bad things, and is sure to come to grief by both of them. If one merely accepts the initial pollution, one still deals with grief, and if one ignores it, the pollution still goes on existing. One can try to portray pollution as a good thing, and maybe even believe the delusion, but that does not change what exists.

So there's a thing called Troll Pollution, and, to the average person, it's more of a big deal than climate change or the pole shift or the greasy atmosphere. I've been thinking about it, and suppose it's simply just a negative aura that self-perpetuates, and if you look closely at a lot of the human world and its alleged history, you can apply the concept of troll pollution to explain such diverse topics as:

• Fights ending in death
• Theft
• Injustice – casual or severe
• Contention
• Fraud
• Noise pollution
• Jackasses
• Discrimination, hate crimes
• Psychologically damaging circumstances
• Fights ending in serious and/or life-threatening injury
• Consumerism, Postmodernism
• Authoritarianism, Feudalism, Anarchism
• 'Anarchism'
• Statism, Legalism, Recidivism, elitism
• Depression, Indigestion, Castration, Defenestration
• Charlatanism
• Entropy
• This blog post.