Millennials For Bernie and Other News From The Modern Gutter

Wow 2016 has certainly been a year, between celebrity deaths, political chicanery, imminent race war with shooting-a-day news, terrorists wilding out everywhere, a surprise coup in Turkey, and the grand return of Pokemon combined with augmented reality, the Age of Indifference seems poised at the cusp of its Golden Age. It's almost possible to forget the insanity of the first four months of the year based on the last three months of the year. It's almost possible, even tempting, to think that we are at an all time high of crazy happenings


But things have been shitty for a very long time, haven't they? And it's probably our fault. In fact it is certainly our fault. We've done this. Some of us try to do better, some of us try to fuck things up, and the majority don't care. I like to think I fall outside of all these groups. I don't care; but I do. I want to do better; but I don't. I never really considered the option of making things worse... it seems there are plenty people on each side of every confrontation who can do that better than I could ever hope to.

So I was trying to come up with a good overview of the past ten months or so but there are so many squawking heads yakking about it that it doesn't matter. Plus, I'm a piece of shit idiot with nothing new to add or a redeeming perspective. Suffice it to say I get it: everything looks pretty grim. Things looked bad in 2003, and they look roughly as bad now, except there is more bad stuff? (I'll look into this after I kill myself, because fuck making that graph.) But there's also good stuff: like consumerism! So I'm going to recommend some pretty good stuff that'll help you get through July without killing yourself or fantasizing about killing every last human in an insane laser drug apocalypse in a doomed attempt to fix Earth and right all the wrongs.

4 Media Products Recommended by the Sloppy Blogger in Lieu of Depressing Screed About Modern World

Interview with a Young North American Couple

Dennis and Leanne Sarcowitz are your typical Young North American Couple: middle class, literate, professionals with creative streaks, white wine with seafood, she drives a KIA sedan (he's holding on to his Civic), fitness enthusiasts, photogenic, politically liberal... I interviewed them because they're my age and I needed a blog post, but also to find out more about this exciting and diverse world, and others' experiences of it. Plus, everyone loves the interview format!

Publicato: Alright, thanks for agreeing to do this. You're helping me out a bunch. I guess the most obvious place to start is to ask how you met each other.

Dennis: Well it's pretty much the standard version: two people in similar social circles meet –

Publicato: Cool, yeah...

Dennis: – and they connect over really basic stuff. 80's movies, childhood memories, a shared fondness for plummy reds, similar senses of humor. It's standard but it's magic, you know?

Publicato: Oh definitely. So it's love?

Leanne (laughing): I guess it is. We're happy.

Publicato: Right on. Everyone's talking about gas prices, what do you guys think about it?

Dennis: They're great. I'm saving twenty or more bucks per fill-up. I still go out of my way to avoid traffic, but most excitingly –

Leanne: We're talking about doing a nice road-trip this summer with the money we're saving. Connecticut, to visit some of my family, and maybe all the way to Oklahoma to visit his. On the way we'll do some good hiking and camping and sightseeing... this is the year to do it.

Publicato: I hope so. If a '73 style crisis develops and you get stuck in backwoods Arkansas, will you liquidate your whole nest egg to get home?

Dennis: It's super unlikely, and we have other resources, but yes, we would do quite a lot in order to make it home safely. Gas will probably go up in a few months and we'll, I dunno, fly to Europe again or something. Spain's real nice any time of year and we haven't been to Bucharest yet – which we really want to do before it becomes touristy.

Publicato: Oh, word?

That Time of The Year, Pt.2 : Based on a True Story

In 2011 this rule held true: if it was December there were a lot of movies coming out 'based on true stories'. I feel like 'based on a true story' is the sort of phrase that deserves to always be put in quotes. It stands out. I remember going to a theater and seeing two or three 'based on a true story' movies. Could be my memory is destroyed. You can check for yourself in many ways, I'm sure, but I will provide one.

I guess seeing a fabulous movie with roots in the mundane, grimy, desperate reality of life is a heart-warming thing. It's not terrible. You can't simply hate the story for being insipid or unbelievable. However, you can throw shovelfuls of shit onto the screenplay, script, and performances. I'm not one for 'true story' movies myself, but I can see the appeal. Recent Denzel vehicle Flight was also allegedly 'based on a true story' in the trailers. There is some discussion about that. Again, maybe my memory is shot.

It seems to me, after some reflection, that the winter months and the final weeks of autumn is the key season for 'based on a true story' movies. I guess film-goers need their hearts warmed, too. I will include in this discussion biographical films. I saw The Master this year in an independent cinema in late November. It fits the bill, even though the movie was released much earlier. I just wanted to say that I watched a movie. Was it good? Hell yeah it was interesting. I've never seen such a good, unbiased movie about Scientology in my life. The word 'Scientology' isn't even used once, as far as I know, in the movie. That's brilliant. L. Ron Hubbard is renamed. It's a work of art. Drags a bit. Philip Seymour Hoffman is in it and he's a masterful actor who positively keeps the damn thing going.

But I digress. Take one of recent history's most successful and critically lauded Milk, which was released on November 26, 2008. It was a movie 'based on a true story' and some might have called it a 'biographical film' or even a 'biopic'. I'm more or less an idiot, but even I can see this trend. I won't go ahead and say December is peak month for this type of movie, but it is certainly roughly in the middle. It is the median month for 'based on true story' entertainment.

Though, following this line of reasoning, every war movie ever made is 'based on a true story' and most crime movies as well. Then, let's get existential and very post-modern critical and just say that every movie and every book and every narrative ever is 'based on a true story'. Most music is probably born along those lines. Everything creative is partly 'based on a true story'. This is problematic, because I mean a specific type of feel-good, heartwarming, nonthreatening, almost unconscious type of movie. The type that would star Sandra Bullock and a minority actor, and you'd find your girlfriend watching it late one evening – absorbed, transported, and entirely quiet. Why can't she be like that when Ted is playing?

Except that movie with Sandra Bullock is not really so unconscious. I feel bad for considering it problematic. It's probably legitimately progressive, and probably has integrity as a work of art, as a consumer product, and as a social statement. I don't actually know, though. I never saw it. All I know is that, apparently, it was based on a true story, and according to that logic probably came out between mid-November and late-February.

Cyclists Beware

Keep your stick on the ice, Lance Armstrong. You survived cancer but nobody survives bureaucracy.