North America's Ice Clusterfuckmas: A Retrospective, A Remembrance, a Reverie; pt. 1

Transformers were blowing up, lighting the dark with that eerie blue glow, as if very slow and quiet lightning was striking. Giant and even perfect storms were inbound. Even staunch winter people were feeling dread in the pits of their stomachs. Ice was everywhere, and Christmas was around the corner.

When all was said and done tens of thousands in Ontario were without power for Christmas and nobody was talking much about Rob Ford, who was insisting it was not a state of emergency kind of thing. Really, on that point, I would agree with him. In Canada snowfall, and even ice leading to power outages, is generally considered as not exactly a cause for paralysis and gnashing of teeth. It's considered a good occasion to grouse good-naturedly and take one's time getting to work or anywhere else, if going is even worth it. When the power goes out it's considered good green-energy policy, or used to, before the country filled up with the kind of people who simply refuse to wear coats to bed. Those kinds of people can move to New York, as the saying goes.

Lots of countries would be strangled with hundreds of deaths and immense chaos, but in Canada – even on Christmas and with ridiculous weather – it is merely good hours for road crews, bad news for travelers,  obviously a few deaths and varying degrees of discomfort. For some it is probably even an excuse to politely skip an uncomfortable gathering. Generally it can be agreed upon that a non-electric Christmas is a worst case scenario for the ~70,000 people who had to deal with it. The rest of Southern Ontario got the first 'white Christmas' in years, and the coldest, and the most beautiful.

Some news outlets even reported that some people were enjoying the blackout as a challenge of their ability to rough it. Others asphyxiated trying to heat their homes with charcoal fires, or were overcome by fumes they brought upon themselves by running generators indoors without ventilation. It was quite a thing to hear about and quite sad. The 'bad weather' then continued into January, disrupting entire days worth of flights and disorganizing other travel situations as well. There was all kinds of talk about frustration as people waited days to get into a plane. Others went skiing and gave up on a trip to the Bahamas.

All of which sidesteps the (presumably) immense social media bitchfest, which a dedicated blogger may dig up, but I will summarize it quickly as a bunch of flimsy complaining ninnies. Not worth my time or yours, dear reader. It was the first real winter some people faced, absolutely, but who cares about how you're cold and stop complaining, please. Winter is Canada, and Canada ought to be shaming its federal government to the highest degree allowable by law because a couple of United States legalized marijuana first, after lengthy and fractious efforts to bring Canadian laws into the more logical 21st century. What is a winter storm compared to a government so adamant in its refusal that it threw a 150 year old document (among other things) into the trash just to spite environmentalists?

Meanwhile 2014 is likely going to be full of extremely big stories. 80's revivalism is going to fail. The Nerd Bubble may pop, leaving millions without a retirement strategy for their collectibles, consumer electronics, and childish knick-knacks. China is going to be a big name again, so get ready for that. That's not all, of course: geopolitical skulduggery is likely to create new extremists in, according to my calculations, a first world country. I always knew the Dutch were just pretending to be tolerant and objective, but I fear nobody else will see this coming and they will do a lot of damage before the truth comes out. That's just the tip of the proverbial 2014 iceberg.

One thing's for sure: the news will continue to make a huge deal out of small potatoes for as long as it's profitable or can cover up their intellectual, journalistic, and conceptual bankruptcy. I am currently debating doing a Predictions 2014 list, but it may have to wait, until I'm done trashing news media. I bet you Gawker, Huffington Post, TMZ, et al will say some shit and probably have employees make regrettable mistakes this year... so will traditional news media, and that's really all they do when they're not taking political money and supporting various agendas, filling the minds of otherwise undamaged people with the unhinged ideation of partisan politics (in which anyone is supposed to have a clue). That is: when it's not, you know, complaining about weather.

An Addendum To 'Wikipedia Style Guide': RoboCop Remake

During my brief research for the Wikipedia Style Guide article (which could've been better) I discovered that there is a planned release of a new RoboCop in 2014. Let the wrongness of a fucking RoboCop remake sink in for a moment. It doesn't feel good, does it? I mean, the RoboCop sequels were themselves inexcusable but inevitable, given the era in which they were made. The remake is even more inevitable, really, by the same ratiocination. I shouldn't be surprised in the least, except I rarely see movies at theaters, let alone the multiplexes that screen the impressive trailers of the next generation of big and dumb or deep and profound who-gives-a-fucks*.

I suppose I'm an idiot to object, but the remaking of a solid 80's masterpiece in the corporate wasteland of the 21st century which it was originally set in seems wrong to me on a fundamental level. It's almost a twisting of physical laws, as if a yottoscopic black hole passed through my mind while I had a perverse thought about how weird a relation it would be, and then via singularity that thought manifested itself as part of reality, or as possibility in minds close to the film industry. It's that weird to me. It's like the manifestation of a nightmare – but that's essentially what the world has been, behind the scenes at least, for my entire life and probably all other humans as well... which is the point of entertainment.

Overstatement. It's more fun than saying that a bunch of hacks want to release a new movie based on an old concept, as if they have anything meaningful to add to a concept they're borrowing for lack of inspiration. Profit trumping history. I guess that's what it is to live in 2013. Detroit is actually declaring bankruptcy (check out RoboCop 2 if you think I'm schizoid) and cocaine is as big a problem in America as ever, to the point where they either need to construct many real-life RoboCops (as well as a small army of ED-209s) to stop the trafficking or just let it win and stop making a fuss.

I don't want to be the wanker who says that a movie was 'eerily prescient' about 'modern society' because RoboCop was eerily contemporary about 80's culture and eerily great in every possible way, but movies aren't prophets and that particular one was only proven right because of the sheer amount of subliminal and/or retrograde insight the movie possesses. I bet the remake will make multiple references to drones. I am told that's a bet I'm not allowed to make. Mark my words: fuck RoboCop 2014, that shit ain't right.  

"Get ready for a hip, new RoboCop who understands EDM music and doesn't mind a bromance... or two!"

It boggles my mind, and then along comes this fucking remake which I'm sure can safely be judged on what kind of car the new RoboCop drives. Probably written by committee, guided by fuckers, and destined to be a grave insult to the spirit of the original in every possible way. Corporate slickness, top-40 EDM song in the trailer, GFX up the ass, possible box-office hit, dialogue from idiot hell, blood-curdlingly dumb and sensationalistic in every way... I'd buy that for a dollar and so will you!

**** I suppose they more commonly go by the colloquialism 'movies' or 'films', but when intelligent people band together and overthrow the world order they will be referred to as who-gives-a-fucks, I have it on good authority, since they generally function as soulless propaganda, socially acceptable narcotic, profit-motive, and distraction. Various cinema will still be allowed, for obvious reasons, but it is hoped calling them who-gives-a-fucks will be humbling to the industry.

New Sincerity and You: Counter-Counter-Countercultural Warfare

In today's culture of needy oversharing, cultural voyeurism, and [post-]post-modern irony it can seem as if nobody is willing to simply be their own self. It's possible that being a human being will no longer be as attractive an option as it used to be in the so-called 'simpler times' but most likely it is the old struggle in which mass culture tries to either force itself to be interesting or lays down a smokescreen of excuses about why it isn't. A reasonably recent phenomena, born out of cultural desperation and distaste, is New Sincerity. And, goddamn, the term is hot right now, and getting hotter by the moment – so come inside, place your bets, and learn a little something about nothing!

I'm no expert. New Sincerity, as a term, doesn't sit well with me, just like so many other facets of contemporary cultural shorthand. In many ways New Sincerity can be simplified as the diametrical opposite of that vague modern boogeyman 'the Hipster'. And yet, research I have done on the matter seems to suggest that mainstream 'hipster scions' are in fact loosely associated with New Sincerity. I don't really know what Zach Braff would say about the matter. Was Garden State actually a determined piece of New Sincerity propaganda? Did it manage to cash in on the credible? Worse yet, have the bewildering, out-of-favor films of Wes Anderson been appropriated by the movement? By the other movement?

My intention in this article has changed from simply making fun of New Sincerity to undertaking somewhat of a census about it. Mostly this will be the type of armchair cultural criticism I am known for, worldwide. For the most part New Sincerity is often used as a prescriptive term. In music this situation changes: many bands, hearkening back to the simpler, more heartfelt times of Bruce Springsteen, term themselves part of the New Sincerity movement, performing lyrics based less on conceptualism and cleverness and more on love, loss, sorrow, joy, and excitement. These are the earnest topics for music, but what keeps them from becoming pop music is a blend of aesthetics, identity, and intent. The prime axiom is to be authentic at all costs by not making attempts at authenticity, and never to ask 'what is authenticity?'

Unsurprisingly, New Sincerity stems from classic rock superstars such as Bruce Springsteen, Ted Nugent, John Mellencamp, and Bob Seeger, among others. Hair metal and psych are too ironic, or too insincere, or illegal, so lots of 'dad-rock' played to death on classic rock radio is actually questionable. Or perhaps they are valid inspiration, it's quite foggy to me and researching these kinds of things is slower than decisive critical strikes. What have these (and other) roots inspired?

Modern popular/indie acts such as The Hold Steady, Japandroids, Passion Pit, and evidently even Animal Collective are considered New Sincerity. These are just loose examples. To my mind the absolute pinnacle of new sincerity is probably Japandroids - they're not as bland as The Hold Steady and they're not politically or philosophically newly sincere. They just rock out and sing and holler and scream about partying, kissing girls, how life is and what they feel about it.

It's not slavish imitations of Springsteen topics about living in a shit down and running out of hope, or shooting up a bank in the back-roads of Nebraska. One has to admire the mixed positivity in songs about change, nostalgia/heartbreak, or raw excitement. The sense is that it's all youthful enthusiasm and angst, sometimes regret, and the energy cannot be denied. Their lack of pretense, deliberate simplicity and raw force all stand in contrast to established hype bands like The Hold Steady (with Springsteen and hearts worn on the sleeves). However, Japandroids' sophomore album is either too earnest or actually ironic in the ennui mode (or simply underwhelming after their debut), which may or may not say anything about New Sincerity.

Myself, I think the best part is that New Sincerity is often hailed as the redemptive force of contemporary hipster culture. It's a pretty great lie, but it makes everything seem much more epic and heroic, as if there really is a struggle against insincerity in culture. I stress, again, that the modern hipster has roots in Victorian England and earlier German youth movements. We see again and again the sorrows of young Werther in the trappings of a modern-day dandy. However it was inevitable, after the crushing nihilism of the 80's and the strung-out apathy of the 90's, that some kind of cultural force would rise in opposition. The only questionable thing is whether terming it 'new' is not a smidgeon untrue.