2010 Retrospective, pt. 3: Television vs. Extinction

My enthusiasm for television has never really changed. I lived without a TV up until the point someone asked me, "Are you one of those people who watch TV?" At that point, of course, I knew exactly what my life was missing. That said, I never really watched much. I did the thing where I would stare blankly at the television for a while, using it less as a source of information and entertainment (and never the twain should meet) than as a slack, mutable canvas on which to view my exact context in history.

Now one autumn day in 2009, following my usual after-work routine, I encountered a shock. I stumbled into an episode of a show that I had some dim awareness of. Slick dialogue and editing; snappy and unerringly clean characters; white male lead - yep, another bland and demoralizing situational comedy show. American TV at its best, in the most savage satiric sense. So kept watching, irritated that anyone had the gall to pull this kind of leprous rabbit out of the sleazy magic hat of television. It appeared to be unoffensive, silly, acceptable writing... and wait a minute, that's Chevy Chase, isn't it? And who is that free radical?

Community thus gained a faithful viewer. This show which was on nobody's radar at all, that I hadn't even seen on many network ads, actually entertained me. Sure, I knew about 30-Rock, the other sitcom on NBC, which was always good for a laugh but obviously a glass cannon. I had been getting tired of How I Met Your Mother, because I'd seen enough episodes to know that its main conceit was a red-herring, and that it was really just a very, very impressive remake of Friends. The rest of my faith in network programming had been slain by the enthusiasm over The Big Bang Theory, the appeal of which was lost on me.

With all of those odds stacked against it, plus the internet, television still managed to hook me. Thursdays I knew where to go to shake off my boredom. Community really is unimpressive on paper: Cynical failed lawyer goes to school, accidentally creates a study-group in order to get laid, finds out that the consequences are heartwarming but inescapable. It also has a really flat title, the sort of title that could've easily belonged to another 100 Questions. 

But the first season of Community was worth every episode. By the end of the Halloween special I knew what I had suspected when Troy and Abed first rapped together en Espagnol. The hippest of you are saying, "That was 2009, and standards were different. The 'meta-goldrush' is over, and meta-humor is played out and lame." Well, in 2010 I watched Community regularly. That show owned 2010. I know this because nobody else thinks so, and nobody else says so, but I couldn't find a single DVD of Season 1 when I went to the store recently. So what if it was on sale?

Which begs the question, "Is it shameful to admit you like Community?" Local 'TV Critics' who are published in newspapers did not mention Community in their predictable 'Best of 2010' lists so the show obviously lacks critical praise. In more realistic terms, maybe a third (33%) of people I know watch the show, and the rest do not care for it. I will watch that show until it's cancelled or someone steals my TV. When the season finale aired I actually (and this is shameful stuff) wished there were more episodes - and the show ended on a tone-perfect idiot note. The reruns were sobering reminders of what I might have missed if I thought that television was objectively bad, which in itself is kind of depressing, because I could've been an anti-TV rebel.

Season 2 of Community has been difficult. Three hundred people literally felt betrayed by the recent Christmas episode. Some accuse the program of being too clever by half, which is at least half of its charm to begin with. My opinion is that they have done no wrong at all, and that this season is at least as good as the least of the last one. There are some high points they'll never hit again, but they'll replace them with other distractions. Chevy Chase could quit, Dan Harmon might even drive the show off a cliff out of sheer perversity, or meddling hands will destroy it, but nothing can kill what they quoted, alluded to, or made fun of - especially 80's rapists, Goodfellas, and Cookie Crisp.

Another Cool Thing from 2010

Most of the time I look at all the gadgetry for sale around the world and I remain unimpressed. Wireless, touch screen, 4G, Macintosh – none of these keywords really hook me. YouTube is filled with videos of possibly real people telling me how cool Kinect is or why I should get a better phone or how excited I should be about the endless possibilities of the not-so-modern obsession with gadgets. People actually make videos of themselves unpacking the completely superfluous things they buy, the neuroticism of which I'll get into in a later blog post.

I'm sure an iPhone is useful, but nationalism decrees that I should buy a Blackberry. I myself think, of course, that a Samsung cellphone with no special features is good enough for me. It even flips open, the battery life is a dream, and it can take a picture if I make it. However, I have a camera to take pictures, and a computer to waste my time on, so I don't need to focus on how many games are available for my cellphone, how sensitive the onboard camera is, or how fast it connects to the internet.

The only cool thing I've been informed about is the critically underhyped Logitech K750, the world's first (so far as I know) solar-powered wireless keyboard. Let me make an ignorant statement: wireless peripherals do not impress me. Wires are a small price to pay for not having to buy batteries or deal with delayed input. Most of the time the hassles of wires are just replaced by other, high-frequency hassles that I do not even like to think about. Wires were good enough for me...


...until I heard about a solar powered keyboard. The thing looks like a dream, and is the only gadget I've been excited about or thought about buying. It seems like Logitech, who have always been making quality peripherals, are actually interested in limiting the amount of hassles their products create. I haven't bought a single new peripheral in years. My current keyboard is indestructible: I've spilled wine, beer, and other things on it and it works like new. It's just loud, kind of clunky, and has a wire and doesn't work off solar power.

Reality check: my optical mouse is from some no-name brand and has put more costly mice to shame in online games frequented by professionals. It is also indestructible. I have tried to crush it when the world of computers has frustrated me, and it has survived falls, tumbles, tosses, flips, and jumps as if it is a skateboarder. Because my peripherals haven't failed me, I haven't ever had to look for new ones, but that K750 seems so cool, so useful, that it should almost be standard for new gadgets to have such features.

I can face the facts: keyboards are not interesting. That is true, but they are necessary and it helps if they can be moved around a lot. For a writer, a good keyboard is indispensable - and while all keyboards are dependable because of their simplicity, never before has anyone made a wireless keyboard that could be indefinitely useful and actually make more sense than a comparable wired unit. I guess if you hate the sun, nature, and Logitech, the new 'eco-friendly' keyboard won't matter to you, but I intend on getting one as soon as they're available in my ass-backwards country.

2010 Retrospective, pt. 1: Seanbaby vs. The Internet

I've been thinking, now that it's December and I don't know if I'll even attempt to travel for the season, that I might as well think back on the year that has almost passed, and bring up some of my favorite moments, or outstanding creations, people, or anything you can stick a noun to that have actually impressed me, and not just the talking heads who make trends and kings.

Most of the time when I read things on the internet I think, "Shit, even I could do better than this." and it really makes me a bit sorrowful to know that someone got paid to write something so flat and unconvincing. Granted, a lot of the time I look back on things I've written and think similar things, except that I know nobody else will write about them. When I read good things on the internet I take note, because I'm A) trying desperately not to be ignorant, and B) not afraid of becoming an hack. Grammar before assonance, folks.

For years now there has been one internet comedy writer who has not changed his approach, his perspective, his looks, or his medium – and we should all give him a television series so that he breaks down and turns into an unfunny hack. This man is responsible for more than 33 percent of the internet's funny quotient. YouTube is afraid of him, toys inexplicably melt and explode when he approaches, and whenever he posts on cracked.com hundreds of people tell him that he is right, his lines are infinitely quotable, and "Good Work!". He will be the first president of America to disarm opponents with snappy one liners and irrefutable logic instead of multilateral embargoes and cooperation.

As far as internet comedy writer metaphors go, most writers are a bunch of kindergarteners, and Seanbaby gets held back in K every year, because the administration doesn't know what do with him, and he keeps making better jokes to kill the time, because nobody around him even understands how to be consistently funny or what consistent even means. If you compare how long he has been funny (since the days of Old Man Murray, which is something knowable only to actual nerds) to how long he has been writing on the internet, you realize that he is the veteran of internet comedy writing, and either his approach was always good or he buried all of his failed attempts in the 90's as if they were Atari cartridges in the 80's.

For a long time ('04-'10) I didn't even know that Cracked.com existed, but a friend recently told me that Seanbaby was writing there, and I took a few hours off to read everything they had. I laughed, on average, twice an article. And I don't mean half-assed laughing: no chuckling, but the stuff you feel in your abdomen. Since then I've been reading Cracked.com mostly for Seanbaby's articles, and you can do the comparison yourself. I mean no disrespect but almost everyone who is trying to be outright funny on the internet looks like a shoddy '80's joke told by a teenager compared to Seanbaby.

Description fails me, but I encourage you to look up one of the only funny people on the internet. I try to be amusing, but I understand that I am as dry as sawdust, and dumb, and don't use interesting photos or graphical elements. I don't do those things out of respect to Seanbaby, because I'd have to follow his lead and risk his displeasure.